As a psychotherapist, whenever I am working with any couple I spend hours to understand the answer to one very basic question- the health of your relationship. Healthy relationships bring out the best in you and make you feel good about yourself. A healthy relationship does not mean a “perfect” relationship, and no one is healthy and perfect 100% of the time, but there are signs and behaviours everyone strives for in all their romantic relationships.
So, what exactly does a healthy relationship mean?
To understand what makes a relationship healthy, the following behaviours are significantly important.
- Mutual respect and continuing support
- Having a sense of trust and honesty
- Clear communication
- Solving conflicts in a fair, open and healthy way
- Independence within the relationship to make choice and decisions
- Feeling comfortable and safe at all times
- Taking responsibility
- Having fun at all times
Lack of any one of the following behaviours might be considered as alarming signs of an unhealthy relationship. Still, there’s few no-no’s in every relationship and these can be considered as warning signs for unhealthy relationships, such as,
- Extreme feelings and over-the-top behaviour
- Unnecessary possessiveness
- Manipulation to control one’s decision, actions or emotions
- Isolation from friends, family or other people
- Sabotage of one’s reputation, achievement or success
- Belittling one in front of others and otherwise
- Taking one for frequent guilt trips
- Deflecting responsibility
- Betrayal or infidelity
Take the quiz below to look and reflect on your relationship.
|1||We regularly make plans to be together.||3||1|
|2||We enjoy many of the same activities & entertainment.||2||1|
|3||We usually agree about our finances, budget & spending decisions.||2||0|
|4||I am comfortable discussing my worries and dreams with my partner.||3||1|
|5||I believe that my partner is usually comfortable sharing his or her worries & dreams with me.||3||1|
|6||There are aspects of our relationship that are too difficult to talk about.||0||2|
|7||I am satisfied with the amount of affection & intimacy in our relationship.||3||0|
|8||Our differing needs regarding affection & intimacy cause strain on our relationship.||1||3|
|9||We have similar values, morals, & religious beliefs.||3||1|
|10||We have similar beliefs about how to raise children.||2||1|
If your score is:
- Between 20-26: Your score suggests that you and your partner share a high level of compatibility, communication, and commitment to your relationship. Keep on doing what you are doing.
- Between 13-19: Your score suggests that there are some issues and areas of your life where you are not on the same page with your partner. Look at the specific items where you are least compatible and work on improving these areas of your relationship. For additional help, you might benefit from contacting a relationship counsellor.
- Between 7-12: Your score suggests that there are several areas of conflict in your relationship. Areas of intimacy, finance and communication are often the most difficult issues for most couples to deal with. The good news is that there is help available to those who want it. You might benefit from contacting a relationship counsellor.